I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize