she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
