his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
