ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
