My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
