I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
