Who wears a wallet chain?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
