apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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