My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
