my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
