Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
