Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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