My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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