my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
