I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
