I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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