There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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