fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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