So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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