I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
