My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
