just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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