i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
