I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
