she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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