I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
