I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
