My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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