i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
