He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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