Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
