Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
