I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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