wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
