I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
