I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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