hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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