The maid of honor just puked.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
