Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
