we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
