bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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