How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
