i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
