I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Enjoy the penises
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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