So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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