i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
