This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
