My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
