he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
