Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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