So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
