Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
