So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
