I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
FUCK WHALES
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
