I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
