Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
