so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
