i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
