Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
