So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
