Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
