i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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