I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do herpes really smell.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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