He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
