You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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