Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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