I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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