Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.

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(540): View more from Virginia

when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking

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(302): View more from Delaware

They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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(310): View more from California

If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave

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(613): View more from Ontario

I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.

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(317): View more from Indiana

This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang

(317): View more from Indiana

Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?

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