you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.