The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
