They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says